well dont you know

i read "its suprising how i can be so damn idealistic for being such a pessimist", and i concur... speaking about myself that is. i'm not sure that i will ever truly be depressed (except maybe when i'm 95 and dying..i might plan to die before i get that old). anyhow, but i will somehow always be able to talk myself out of any unhappy situation...despite the fact that i probably got myself in that unhappy situation in the first place. i've also realized that i say what's on my mind a lot-- which includes all sorts of negativity about where i am in my life right now (trying to get a job), and i can do that because in the end i know that something will work out because it always does BUT i think i make other people depressed so i must stop it. it would be cooler if everyone was an idealistic pessimist but i guess it doesn't work that way.
so today i have decided that getting a job in the ad industry is maybe a good idea after all. after months and months of mind torture..going from i love this to i hate this on a weekly basis, and wanting to free my creative soul, i have finally realized that perhaps thanks to advertising i could actually make a living thinking and designing and wearing whatver the hell i want (with in reason) and working in coolass office buildings with super interesting people-- so i needa stop complaining. you can only be a musician for so long before you don't know what to do with yourself and it's embarassing to get a normal job (unless of course you're the beatles, but you're not (i'm not)), you can only work in fashion if you like dealing with egomaniacs or are filthy rich and have connections, you can only work in photography if you happen to be the top tier making more than 30k a year- and you can do this on the side any way for fun, and you probably can't work as an artist--unless you're picasso, or that little girl who copied picasso in third grade. so there it is.. that basically leaves designer.. for some place like ikea..which is definitely something to keep in mind for the future =D